The Devil's in the Details
by clearskies01
Summary: Draco writes porn for Harry's birthday. Oneshot, really ridiculous, but clean I promise!


Finally! A non-angsty story from me. Though I adore writing those, I decided to take a break and give a shot at "comedy". This might be a bad idea...

Anyway, the characters are unfortunately not mine, they belong to J.K. Rowling. Hope you like!

The Devil's in the Details

"As James' hand moved slowly up William's thigh, he couldn't help but get excited by William's moans of pleasure."

Oh god. I have to scratch that out. This is such shit. I can't believe Harry was serious about me doing this. Really, that kid is a total nutcase. Write him porn? Come on, the chance of me stripping in front of Dumbledore sounds easier, and probably a lot more fun.

The devil's in the details, it really is.

I know that porn is not supposed to be big on the details, except for of course the sex part. But that's rather easy. All I have to do is remember one of our nighttime romps in the back of the castle, and its will be good. Oh, but the details must be there; I am the great Draco Malfoy, and brilliant things are expected from me. Porn included.

"Slowly William returned the favor, but only after he undressed his hot, panting partner. James' skin glistened with sweat from his naughty deed."

Wow. This is the biggest piece of crap I have ever read. No one would buy my book, this is certain. But Harry seemed serious when I asked him what he wanted for his birthday. He had a straight face, I seem to remember. Ah, I think I will have this story end with them both sitting comfortably drinking tea in their very fashionable bathrobes. I don't want Harry to think I've lost my style.

"James hurried to get himself some water. He was having way too much fun. As he raced back, he tripped and spilled water all over his front. He shivered as it tricked down past his hipbones. He walked into the bedroom carrying only the empty glass and a slight frown.

'Oh baby, don't worry,' William said as James put the empty glass on the bedside table. 'I'll be sure to get all the water off of you. My tongue is a great sponge.'"

Harry could have asked for a simple striptease, which I would have lovingly given him. That would have been fun. I could buy some flashy underwear, get a good music selection, and practice for my mirror when I'm alone. Hmm…maybe I'll do that after I give him this. Lord knows the movement of Harry's eyes will be wasted on all this crap that seems to be coming out of my quill instead of my sexual dance number.

"As William put his shirt on, James kept reaching around and unbuttoning them as fast as William could button them.

'I really must go. I hate to, but I need to get home.' William said.

'Just stay the night.' James said slyly.

'That would be nice.' William said, turning towards the man lying unclothed on the bed.

'On one condition though.' James said. 'You have to remain naked at all times.'"

Hmm…is there too much dialogue? I think so. But I need the dirty talk. It spices things up a bit. I think I'm getting the hang of this. Harry should have half a mind and save this thing, if he knows what's good for him. It will be a classic by the time I'm dead and gone. I guess I should find those pictures I autographed when I was younger. I knew I would need them one day, but this soon is a surprise even to me. My porn! Number one on the adult book list! I knew it. I wonder what I'll spend my first million on.

"The two men who had once been complete strangers were now united as one on the bed. William tried to keep his moans down to a quieter level, but James was such a good lover that it was hard not to cry out in ecstasy. William had to put his face against the pillow to muffle his moans of pure pleasure."

Oh gosh, there is no substance! My reader need something other than moans and sex talk! There needs to be substance! There needs to be drama! There needs to be something other than just James' quivering member.

Oh, but then it wouldn't be what Harry wanted. Goodness, if I don't finish this in time, I need something else to give him. I could take the easy way out and just put a bow on my naked body and say "Happy Birthday!" No, I need something that means something, a gift that he would get a lot of use out of. Not that Harry doesn't get a lot of use out of my sexy body, but still. Something that's not alive and drop-dead gorgeous.

Hmmm…. I need motivation. Harry's probably up in his apartment, waiting for me. I could just sneak in…No! I can't just drop my work! A Malfoy does not do that. I would die before I left my porn unfinished. Weather I'm the reader or the writer.

"When the men woke up the next morning, William could tell he would be late for work. He didn't care. The night before had just blown his mind, and other parts of his body. All he wanted to do was stay in bed with James next to him, sleeping silently next to him."

How do you wrap a piece of paper? Isn't that kind of hard? I mean, you wrap gifts in paper, but what do you do when the gift is paper? I need to think about this.

"When James finally woke up, he yawned and turned over. He saw William reading the newspaper in bed, drinking a cup of coffee.

'Ah, you're awake! Good morning, James.' William said as he took off his reading glasses.

'Good morning. Did you have fun last night?' James asked as he stroked William's arm next to him.

'Of course I did. But I need to get going. I'll be late for work.' William said as she started to get dressed.

'Nonsense! Say here with me! I'll call in sick for you.' James said as he pulled his lover back onto the bed.

'Oh? And what would you say?' William asked, leaning in for a kiss.

'William is not well enough today. He needs to stay home and get lots of rest. A hot bath will warm him plenty, but otherwise, he should stay in bed the whole day.' James smiled.

'Sounds excellent.'"

Wow, this just gets better and better. But what if Harry hates what I wrote? What if he laughs in my face? No, Harry wouldn't do that. He is too damn nice to do that. His smile…oh, his smile. That smile is what makes me feel great. Voldemort wouldn't be able to turn down a cup of tea and a chat with Harry if he saw that smile. Hah, and that horrible hair. That mop on his head is never well combed. I try my best to do it for him, but it's no use. It has a mind of its own. Oh, and the eyes. Those things get me even worse than the smile. If I am studying, all he has to do is give me those looks…oh! Goodness me, here I go again. Wandering off when I need to focus. Mmm…the eyes….

"They spent the whole day in bed, only getting out of it to get something to eat. And they didn't need plates; they just ate the chocolate sauce off of each other. It was bliss. At the end of the day, William took a shower, and James joined him-for 45 minutes.

After the shower, the two got into fluffy white bathrobes and sat on the balcony drinking tea. They both had a feeling that they would do it again many more times to come."

And I'm finished. That was an excellent piece of fiction if I ever read one. I think I'll just roll this up and tie it with a pretty bow.

There, that's nice. Now the waiting time comes. I don't know if I'll be able to sleep tonight. I'm so nervous. Harry's birthday is tomorrow, and I hope he likes his gift.

"Happy birthday, Harry." I say when I get to his party. All his Gryffindor friends are there, along with a few other people from different houses and some of his co-workers. As I hand him the story tied with a red ribbon. I also got him a watch. Malfoys aren't cheap.

"Thanks, Draco." He says as he kisses me. "What is it?"

"Don't you remember? You asked for…" I trail off, so as not to be heard by the other partygoers. This is my business. "…Porn."

"What?" He asks. He twists his face into a confused grin.

"Yeah. You told me you wanted porn. But special porn. So I wrote you some. Heh heh." I say, blushing a little.

"Are you serious? I was only kidding about that!" He giggles. "But I'm sure it's excellent."

"Oh, yeah. It's great." I say, completely embarrassed and a little disappointed.

Harry sees the disappointment in my eyes. So he leans in and whispers in my ear, "we can make our own porn anytime. Just say the word."

I feel a lot better after that.

END


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